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game opeing sequence - enigmax - May 18, 2005 12:03 PM

”game name” | Tale of Two

Act1 Part1 | Abandoned Hideout | Night ~ Raining

Score: | the journey begins

Three people enter the hideout from the rain…

Hawk: We should be safe here from armed guards (walks over and grabs some wood) I’ll start a fire.

Lilly: We would not have to be so worried if not for this boy (nudges by MC) slowing us up ~ We could be miles from here by now.

Main Character: Im not familiar with this area.

Lilly: Try that tomorrow and I’ll leave you where fall.

Hawk: Enough! ~ What is important is that we are still alive with the map.

Main Character: What map?

Lilly: (lifting it from the table) The map of Prioehs.

Main Character: The map of Prioehs.

Cut Shot | Map pt1 (Prioehs)

Hawk: That’s right ~ legend has it that when the two parts of the map are combined the map of Prioehs and the map of Trieoln they will show the resting place of Lady Phealea.

Main Character: Who’s that?

Hawk: If memory serves me right, the legend goes…

Lilly: Since I heard this tale, im going to hunt for dinner.

Hawk: Watch it out there, mysterious things wander about out there.

Lilly: I know, I know…

Lilly leaves.

Main Character: But Hawk, you only have this one part.

Hawk: I know, not to worry tomorrow we shall have it, and Lady Phealea’s Dagger of Euskiae will be good as ours.

Main Character: Dagger of Euskiae?

Hawk: I will explain…

Fade | montage

Hawk ~ VO: Twenty thousand years ago, when the world was still new a great war broke.

Shots | battle ground fighting

Hawk ~ VO: Out between the Mystical Armies of Prioehs.

Single Shot | Prioehs leader

Hawk ~ VO: And the Nomadic Armies of Trieoln.

Single Shot | Trieoln leader

Hawk ~ VO: This war went on for sixty years, to which many have lost their lives.

Shots | battle ground | people scavenging the dead.

Hawk ~ VO: In desperation the Princes Phealea of the Mystic Lands sought out the guidance of a higher power.

Fade | Mystic Temple Chapter 4 ~ interior

Phealea seen running into the temple.

Phealea: What have I done to my people, they have put their trust in me and I sent them to their death… (cries) I come to you Mystic Ones for guidance to stop this Great War, so we may see peace once again.

pause….

Phealea: Please hear my plead.

Shot | tear dropping onto the seal. She gets up and starts to walk away.

Mystic One: Who seeks the guidance of the Mystics.

Phealea turns around…

Phealea: lady Phealea of the Mystic Lands

A Mastic One appears on above of the seal.

Mystic One: What guidance do seek…

Phealea: I come to you Mystics Ones to stop this Great War so my people can see a time of peace once again…

Mystic One: We can not step in on the natural balance of life to do so will have dire consequences.

Phealea: But, (pause) I will do anything… I have a child ~ born seven moons ago and I wish not to have him grow up in a world of war rather one of peace.

Mystic One: Do you understand what you ask and the consequences?

Phealea: I do, (to self) forgive me my lord...

A group of Mystic Ones circle around her.

Mystic One: It is seen here today that in taking her life she will allow peace to reign again upon these Mystic Lands and in doing so saving the life of her child and of her people, if this is your wish say it so.

The Mystic Ones start to chant.

Phealea: it is so… (pause) forgive me son.

Mystic Ones: It is done, in four moons time with death, life will be spared once again, and your people will see peace once more.

Cut To | Abandoned Hideout | they are eating dinner

Main Character: That’s sad…

Lilly: It is but she gave her life to save her land and her son.

Main Character: What happened to her son and her.

Hawk: as promised in four moons time she died, and the land did see peace but a great sadness lies over the land still to this day...

Main Character: the Mystics…

Lilly: and the son no one knows the true identity of him or her, or if she had a son at all.

Main Character: but, what about the maps and the dagger?

Hawk: in the morning it is getting late, we have a lot traveling tomorrow… get some rest.

Main Character: you just cant leave it like that.

Hawk: I can and will … now go get some rest…

Main Character goes and the bed and lies down.

Lilly: (whispering) are you sure about this kid…

Hawk: (whispering) I am he has to be the one…

Lilly: (whispering) You better be right…

Hawk: (whispering) He will be the one to open the resting place of Lady Phealea.

Lilly: (whispering) For your sake you better be right.

fade out | Lilly and Hawk talking over the map…

Outside shot | moon rises and then falls to a new sun

Act1 Part2 | Abandoned Hideout | Day

Score: |


enigmax Rasp


game opeing sequence - Shivers - May 18, 2005 12:50 PM

Seems rather contrived. Nothing here seems too new or original; I could basically see where it was heading from the start. That being said, it's great to see somebody actually writing a story for their game.


game opeing sequence - JustinFic - May 18, 2005 01:56 PM

Pretty much in agreement. The basic story needs to be twisted around. The "main character as the Chosen One" story has been beaten to death, to boot. Perhaps the MC isn't the son of Lady whatserface after all, and goes through the game thinking he is. Perhaps the real Chosen One turns out to be a complete *******. Another possibility would be for the main character to be an older, bodyguard type charged with the protection of the Chosen One. (For this story to be good, partway though he/she'd have to fail and the child is killed.) The moral of each of those stories could be the power of the commoner.

Also, in the script, don't say what you can show, and don't show what you can imply. Some suggestions:

Quote:Lilly: Since I heard this tale, im going to hunt for dinner.

Hawk: Watch it out there, mysterious things wander about out there.

Lilly: I know, I know…

Lilly leaves.


Can be changed to:

Quote:Lilly: I've heard this before.

Lilly picks up her bow and leaves.

You'll know she was hunting when she comes back with food. Also:

Quote:Main Character goes and the bed and lies down.

Lilly: (whispering) are you sure about this kid…

Hawk: (whispering) I am he has to be the one…

Lilly: (whispering) You better be right…

Hawk: (whispering) He will be the one to open the resting place of Lady Phealea.

Lilly: (whispering) For your sake you better be right.

fade out | Lilly and Hawk talking over the map…


Suggestion:

Quote:Main character lies down and falls asleep.
Lilly (to Hawk, whispering): You better be right.
Fade out.

Also, why are they keeping the kid in the dark about his identity? The kid seems sort of content being there with these two, so I'm assuming he ran away and wasn't kidnapped?


game opeing sequence - Shivers - May 18, 2005 03:08 PM

From a literary viewpoint, I agree with justin. Certainly do not say what you can show. Read some Hemingway.

Also, as far as writing for film goes, I'd be much more interested if there was more going on. I don't mean that there needs to be an action sequence here, but they need to be doing something in order for the scene to have some weight. The something should be somewhat linked to the dialogue, even if in only a metaphorical sense.

Take a look at The Big Lebowski, or any of the Coen Brother's films for that matter. Their movies are all about dialogue, but are interesting because the dialogue is interesting and there is some non-intrusive action taking place on screen.

Think of all of the great conversation spoken while the Dude's bowling or driving or Walter is destroying somebody's Corvette. Any scene in the movie is about something both in the dialogue and in the character's action and that is why it works so well.

Then take a look at a Jim Jarmusch (spelling) film. They are lacking any sort of weight because they have no action. Its all just sitting around and talking. (I do like his movies, however).

That being said, this could all stand up much stronger in the context of the entire piece but right now, its a fairly dull beginning. There isn't a real hook here to keep me watching/playing.


game opeing sequence - funkboy - May 18, 2005 05:46 PM

Shivers Wrote:The something should be somewhat linked to the dialogue, even if in only a metaphorical sense.
"Well, there isn't a literal connection, dude."

Quote:Take a look at The Big Lebowski, or any of the Coen Brother's films for that matter. Their movies are all about dialogue, but are interesting because the dialogue is interesting and there is some non-intrusive action taking place on screen.

Think of all of the great conversation spoken while the Dude's bowling or driving or Walter is destroying somebody's Corvette. Any scene in the movie is about something both in the dialogue and in the character's action and that is why it works so well.

This is the first time I've started to have quantified why this movie is so great! Let's talk more about Lebowski, maybe in another thread, since it's such a hilarious movie, but I don't really know why.


game opeing sequence - Shivers - May 18, 2005 06:16 PM

funkboy Wrote:"Well, there isn't a literal connection, dude."

I must say that I'm duly impressed you picked up on my reference there. I agree that the Big Lebowski is a hilarious movie. That era of Coen Brother films (Big Lebowski, Fargo, Oh Brother Where Art Thou, et cetera) are really remarkable and I think have a lot to teach us (more specifically, Mr. Enigmax) about screenwriting. They are incredible in that very rarely does something funny happen but very often a character says something funny. That way, they don't have to sacrifice believability for hilarity.

Aw, look at me, I'm ramblin' again.


game opeing sequence - funkboy - May 18, 2005 09:39 PM

Shivers Wrote:I must say that I'm duly impressed you picked up on my reference there.

I think I feel more disturbed that I picked up on the reference so easily Wacko
I'm also impressed that you could mention both Hemingway and Lebowski in the same thought.

Quote: I agree that the Big Lebowski is a hilarious movie. That era of Coen Brother films (Big Lebowski, Fargo, Oh Brother Where Art Thou, et cetera) are really remarkable and I think have a lot to teach us (more specifically, Mr. Enigmax) about screenwriting. They are incredible in that very rarely does something funny happen but very often a character says something funny. That way, they don't have to sacrifice believability for hilarity.
An interesting view... and very true. Very little funny action, but humor that's just over the top ridiculous at times. Wes Anderson movies (Rushmore, Royal Tenenbaums, Life Aquatic) are similar in this regard. Not much funny, slap-stick humor actions, but funny stuff.

I know many people who are completely turned off by both Lebowski (often for its language, and sometimes for its characters who the viewer just hates... which is part of the fun for me) and Wes Anderson movies. I think Anderson's movies are closer to exhibiting talking-head syndrome... in some instances the characters really are doing nothing but talking, either just sitting in a chair or standing somewhere. But when things are happening (I'm reminded of, say, the big play at the end of Rushmore... which had both lots of motion on-stage *and* a stationary, unmoving audience), the movies shine.

Coen brothers movies usually have more going on, it seems... some people I know who dislike vulgar language (and even violence) still enjoyed Fargo immensely because of the strong writing combined with the varied action. Of course, I'm from the area, so maybe it was just fun to see such commonplace stuff in a movie Smile

--
Is this discussion helping, Enigmax? Instead of expounding, show more action, show more things being done. Let the characters speak through action, is much more engrossing than talking heads. And may I remind how difficult a talking head is to do realistically in a video game! Wink


game opeing sequence - codemattic - May 18, 2005 10:07 PM

enigmax,

I think Justin had some great suggestions.

I also think its ok to make yet another story about the "one" who has to fulfill his (or her!) destiny. Its what you do with that genre that matters. Look at the "one" in the Matrix - they took it and did something original with it. Then again - look at Episode I - Lucas took it and made something mind-boggling dull.

Ive always wanted to do a story/game where you are fulfilling the legend of the "one" that comes and frees the enslaved - except that its just that a made-up legend created to give hope and to inspire, not a preordained certainty - or maybe ultimately you learn that another is the "one" and your mission changes to figuring out a way to support him/her - or maybe... well you get the idea. Take a familiar archetype and yet do something original with it.

For all I know - since all we've read is your beginning - you are already doing something like this.

good luck man.


game opeing sequence - JustinFic - May 18, 2005 10:56 PM

codemattic Wrote:Ive always wanted to do a story/game where you are fulfilling the legend of the "one" that comes and frees the enslaved - except that its just that a made-up legend created to give hope and to inspire, not a preordained certainty

This is a cool suggestion- especially if despite learning that the "prophecy" is bunk, the main character accomplishes all the things described in the prophecy anyway, and then some. Again with the testament to the power of the common man/woman. Kind of where Matrix 2/3 were going with Neo until the storyline crashed head-on into a mountain.

Another suggestion is to not have clear-cut good and evil sides. I see this all too much. All the characters are black & white, good or evil, aside from a few key turncoats. I don't see it for sure in the script you posted, but when you mentioned a war between two countries, with the MC's side doing something incredibly noble (self-sacrifice for peace) it seemed like that's where it was going Smile Either that or there would be a greater, common enemy that surfaces later in the story uniting the two countries.

I'd like to see a story where the character's side are the "bad guys" and the player must realize this and make his/her own mind on when to turn against the country. Anyone remember a real old-school game, "Taskmaker"? Tile- and turn-based game where your lord, the Taskmaker, sends you on noble missions that gradually take a turn for the worse. By the last few it's pretty clear that he's completely evil, and you have to make the decision to attack him yourself. There's no scripted event. I always thought that was cool.


game opeing sequence - enigmax - May 19, 2005 03:07 PM

jello,
thanks for the insight Smile... i will fix accordently Wink and then post
the secound half....

enigmax


game opeing sequence - Shivers - May 19, 2005 04:05 PM

I just got back from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith and there's a great example of what I'm talking about. In that movie the action is action and the dialogue is dialogue and they aren't linked at all. When all of the dialogue is separate of the action, it is not only boring but draws a lot of attention on the dialogue (which isn't too strong).